My wife is a CPA

Recently I heard a funny story told by my friend in Plano, TX, which makes him reconsider if he really wants to make a proposal to his CPA girlfriend.

My wife is a career woman, a CPA. When she took the food out of the refrigerator, she always uses LIFO (Last in, First out).

She thinks that I'm not good at numbers. I agree with this point of her, because she now controls our entire family budget. At the very beginning, she gave me a bill at the end of each month. However, after I emphasized that I was not her client but her husband, she asked for an advance. Over the past few months, our family spending has been growing steadily, so one day I secretly viewed her files. She even counted driving mileage and working overtime in our family budget! No wonder! She is really crazy! I tried to tell her what she did was wrong, but she corrected me: “No, dear, you are not the CPA, I am!”

Every piece of paper in our home should be kept on file. And she told me that according to some accounting regime, she must retain those papers for at least ten years before destroyed.

One day, I had a quarrel with my CPA wife and it lasts one hour. Later I learned that she put the hours counted into her customer timetable.

Once she said she loves me, and I told her I love her too. However, she never believed me. She said my point is the misrepresentation. Besides, she asked me for restatement. Oh, my god!

Not long ago, we sent out a lot of wedding cards to celebrate my brother’s wedding. After a period of time, I started receiving some reply, making me confused. And later my wife explained to me that she asked all those who received the card to send her the confirmation back, because my wife believes external evidence is more reliable.

When my wife cooks, sometimes she does not go by recipe. For example, the recipe says add half-spoon vinegar, one teaspoon salt or one cup of water, but she just ignores them. Because she thinks they are not material when taken in context of whole meal being prepared.

She’s crazy! Surprisingly everybody calls her a CPA, instead. Therefore, I checked the dictionary and there is no statement saying that accountant is a synonym for crazy. I bet this dictionary is outdated.

When we got married, she gave me an Engagement Letter and I even said how sweet at that time. But now, she gives it to every year, saying her standards state that she must send me a new one if there is any indication that I have misunderstood the objective and scope of engagement. In addition, she says I can’t get rid of her like that. Because I have let her know before I appoint someone else. For a minute, I thought that we had lost in our going concern status.

One of my female friends, also live in Plano who has a CPA husband told me that her scenario is even worse. Apparently he capitalized the wedding expenses as preliminary expenses and is writing it off every year. What’s worse, he is still under consideration for valuation of intangible assets, which is the time he spent dating with his wife before got married.

So if you decide to marry a CPA, please discount it by appropriate rate to arrive at the present value of the risk of doing so! However, keep that in mind, CPAs are all smart, so marrying an accountant  is always a high-yield investment program.